Cancer Just Got To a New Level of Real

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So as you may know if you have followed my blog for a while, my mother has been battling cancer for several years now.

She would get tired easily and she might be uncomfortable from time to time but life has pretty much gone on as usual.

It was something that was there but never very apparent if that makes sense.

It has had a steady momentum until just recently, it is taking a bullet train nose train nose dive.

The past several months she has been getting much worse. She stopped driving, she stopped being able to do housework, and she has been moaning in pain especially in the past several weeks. I have been trying to help her with her chores and haven’t had any time and heart to really create art.

This past week the bullet train broke new records.

She shattered her arm a couple of days ago just by opening a door, that is all that she did. She opened a door. Her bones fractured all along her right arm and jaggedly to boot and they are disintegrating. She can’t move it at all and won’t be able to for months if ever. The least tiny bit of movement to her arm and she is in so much pain she could pass out and is in so much pain she vomits.

She will be bed ridden as she can’t afford to walk as again, just doing the least little thing could shatter her anywhere because the cancer has eaten into her bones so much.

My sister Debbie has worked in nursing homes for most of her life and is taking care of her, she has come down from KY to stay with her and tend to her and I think Hospice is going to be seeing my mom more frequently. My mom is in incredible pain and is in pain all the time now.

Seeing her suffer so much is the worst. She has had cancer for several years now and it has been pretty stable and she would be more tired but life went on pretty much as usual. The past few months she has started going down hill really fast and especially this week. I didn’t even realize how much she had gone downhill. It is a shock because it feels like it came out of nowhere even though logically of course it didn’t but the momentum was so gradual before and now it is just nosediving at lightning speed.

Seeing her in so much pain is the worst part and this cancer stuff is so much more real now. I have never had to see someone go through anything like this before. I have never seen someone so frail and ill and in so much pain, to the point of completely suffering. I have never seen it so much in front of my face. Mortality just became so much more real.

Please keep her in your prayers. I will resume my art soon.

Picture of me and my mom when I was little below.

balloon 343

balloon 359

 

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11 responses »

  1. Hello Patricia, thank you for sharing your balloon adventure. awesome tips and advice!! your mom is lucky to have you taking care of her. As a buddhist’s belief, we usually have vegetarian food for our parents’ good health. Making balloons bring so much joy in my life too. Do not stop and your mom is very proud of you!!

  2. Patricia, you and your family will be in my prayers as I lost my precious mom to Leukemia three years ago. I am a doll artist of reborn dolls, and my mom, (when she was very ill) asked me to not give up on my art as that is what keeps me going. While she was so very ill, I could not be creative …..and then, after losing her, it has taken forever for me to begin to feel creative. That is how the balloons came into my life. I am new at this art form but it has sparked me back into reality and I realize that creativity is what keeps the depression away. But, I tell you all of this to encourage you…….you will feel like working again,but let nature takes its course. Creativity is something that is there or NOT there……and emotions play such a key role. Every time I make a new balloon item, I can just hear my mother loving it and thinking I am the smartest woman on earth……… I miss my mom beyond belief, but I truly know that she is not in pain now and is with God. I wish I could help you during this trying time. Just love your mom and tell her that all the time. Mother and I would talk about good times…..towards the end, she would say “that was a good hour” or that was a good minute…..and we would smile or laugh. Ask your mom about her childhood……find out things about her before you came into her life. I regret not doing more of that. God Bless you and yours and ease the pain you feel. God give Patricia the strength to do what is best for her mom and guide her in her care.

  3. Patricia you and your family are in my prayers. Having lost many loved ones to this disease my heartfelt advice is that you take all pressure off yourself that is possible. You will be braver than you think, kinder than you imagined, stronger than you thought possible. As things go forward there will be little you can do that counts more than advocating for your mom’s comfort and dignity. Be incredibly kind to yourself and sleep when you can, eat as well as time allows. Don’t judge yourself or your choices. On the days you cannot go any further try to find a place where you can just breathe before returning to the fray. Many have you in their thoughts and prayers.

  4. Prayers for your mother and you also. I hope you can take comfort in this song… “Be not afraid, I go before you always, come follow me, and I will give you rest”…

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